So today was interesting. It started off with my fracturing one of the closest friendships I've had very quickly. (great start.) I now don't even know if she wants to talk to me ever again and I don't know what I did. Then I had a college counselling meeting. The meeting itself was great (I now know that I can get into college and that significantly improved my self esteem...just in time for it to get knocked to the ground again) and after I got home I had a really nice lunch with my mom. And then one of my closest friends (I mean...I thought so) told me that she didn't think that we were friends anymore. And I kind of just broke. And now I have to put on a happy face because my sister and brother (from another mother) are coming over and this is the last time I'll see her before she goes to college, and I want to be happy and everything but I can't be. I just fucking can't be. I feel like I might be developing the ability to have panic attacks, because I can't believe I'm feeling like this during the summer. I feel all of my responsibilities rushing up onto me and I don't know if I can handle any of them. At all. I feel as if I've already forgotten how to treat people and things.
I will not let this ruin my summer. I can't let it. I had an amazing, memorable, incredible summer and I don't want it to end with this. I don't know how to prevent it, though. I really, really don't.
Tonight is the last night I'll see Rachel before she goes to college. She is my older sister and has been for my entire life. I can't believe it. I love her more than anything and I can't believe I'll be in this mood while seeing her. I have to go walk my dog now, though, so maybe Comet and some Green Day will cheer me up!
Also, Kendal is leaving soon. My heart is falling apart.
Goddamn.
Also I'm staying up until I'm done with my heart hand grenade painting tonight. I have to. It's so therapeutic to paint.
Peace,
(please.)
Shana xx
Song of the Day: Boulevard of Broken Dreams- If you don't know who this is by, I will punch you.
you have friends that aren't leaving for college that love you very much and will hold you over until your friends leaving for college come back and are all "ahhhhhh college was fun and what not and things of this nature but i missed you shana"
ReplyDeleteand then you'll be all happy and in a good mood and what not and things of this nature.
IN ADDITION: i love you very much
IN MULTIPLICATION: good friendships don't end because of fights
IN FACTORIALS (?): i could have told you that you were getting into college
-mr fuschia