I never do this.

During the course of this blog I have rarely mentioned people specifically because I don't want anyone to feel taken advantage of or singled out.

However, I want to mention some people that I recently realized mean so much to me that I know I can always, ALWAYS rely on.

Rachel Bass, Kendal Newman, Sophie Solomon, Charlotte Exton, Miriam Duffy, Emily Paruolo, Clare Eichinger, thanks.

Yeah. I love you guys and I just felt the need for anyone who sees this to know that.

Les animaux.

First of all, a few people have been wanting me to update my blog. I haven't written in forever and it's getting on my nerves, but because I'm super busy and because I really SHOULD be doing French homework right now, I've just decided to use something that I already wrote. It's actually a college supplement. I know...WHAT?! A supplement? That could not POSSIBLY BE GOOD GIVEN THAT IT HAS TO DO WITH COLLEGE! Okay, well, first: calm down. Second, you might enjoy it! I'm actually fairly proud of it, and if people like this style of my writing then I may upload a few more. This specific supplement had a word limit, so it's fairly succinct. In the future, I'd kind of like to flesh it out so I can put ALLLLL the words I want into it! Anyway, enjoy! :)

Nowhere in my application was I able to address my love of animals. This love was instilled in me at a very early age by my family. We always had a variety of pets. One of my earliest memories is of my dad reading Gerald Durrell and James Herriot to my brother and me. Before I was even able to spell “hippopotamus,” I knew about the grooming habits of Asian monkeys and the length of a cow’s gestation period. As I grew, my love only increased when we adopted a stray cat. I desperately wanted to be best friends with her, and that feeling translates to today: I can often be found at a friend’s house sitting with the dog instead of with the people.
Sometimes I marvel that we humans invite animals like dogs, cats, lizards, frogs, and (only specific kinds of) snakes to live side by side with us. I am continually amazed by the sheer variety of animal life, and that amazement factors greatly into my love and passion for environmental science and “saving the world.” For instance, I’m just nerdy enough to get notifications via email about animal conservation. When I read them, I think about how the last thing I want is for children in the future to be reading the same books I was read as a child and wonder why the animals in them are no more.


Sorry this was such a cop-out of a post! I'll be better soon, I promise. And FYI:
www.shanananabatman.tumblr.com
YEP. IT HAPPENED.

Song of the Day: Come on Get Higher-- Matt Nathanson

love

I'm feeling kind of foolish looking back on my old posts tonight so I just thought I'd keep it simple. This will be (one of) my only posts this entire break, but I will keep adding onto it whenever it seems fitting. I don't really care if anyone reads it but it's almost just for me to catalogue certain things so that I don't forget them.

Enjoy, or don't.

A list of things that I love, written by Shana

1. my family, especially when everyone is in a good mood
2. skype, most of the time
3. my brother, especially, because we get along almost unbelievably well usually
4. friendship letters, which are like love letters except from platonic friends
5. '127 hours', a movie that went from unseen to in my top 10 in an hour and 30 minutes
6. johnny depp, the only celebrity i will buy a random magazine for just because he's on the cover
7. keytars.
8. dark chocolate peanut butter cups, delicious
9. 'lost in translation', a movie that made me feel unlike any other movie has except for 'where the wild things are'
10. youtube, because i can't even explain how many hours i spent on it watching people i want to meet one day and who inspire me and make me laugh day in and day out
11. brett erlich, because he's the single funniest person i've ever found (and will ever find) on the internet
12. tattoos, because they can mean SO MUCH and i'm so excited to get them
13. senior speeches, because of the ones my friends have already made which have made me realize how short my time at masters is
14. heating, because the furnace downstairs just broke although my room feels like an oven mmmm
15. tea, because it keeps me awake during the week
16. being played guitar/sang to over skype when i'm feeling down because for some reason it's the best thing ever
17. the repeal of DADT, because we're one step closer to an equality-based society, finally
18. my dog, because he's always so sweet and so sososos cute
19. fawning over celebrities, because i spend soooo much time doing this and it never gets tiring
20. beatles rock band, especially with my family
21. jake and amir, just because i can never get over them, NEVER
22. the fact that someone (who i know but shall rename nameless) shouted out 'i love you shana' before i started playing for candlelight concert on friday
23. the fact that someone else seconded that with 'i love her more'
24. the fact that justin beiber is illiterate and doesn't know what germany is
25. flu shots, because they let me experience the feeling of having the flu for ONE measly day and then snatch the sickness right away from me
26. my new piercing because it reminds me that my parents trust me
27. photobooth
28. singing badly and having people accept me for it!
29. daniel radcliffe, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh faint
30. my cousin Morgan who has been through so much at the age of 13 than i have while being 17
31. internet harry potter memes, heheh
32. the feeling of lying in bed after a really long day and knowing that you might dream (i know that sounds corny but the prospect of that for some reason is always comforting to me)

(Part I-- December 20, 2010-- 1:09 AM)

1. next to normal, because OH MY GOD
2. staying up until 4
3. james franco
4. facetimeeeeeeeee WOO
5. going to the mall 2 days before christmas
6. rainbow studded belts
7. fake glasses (NO, not the hipster ones...)
8. FROYO especially chocolate with pomegranate seeds...ahhh
9. brokeback mountain because i cried soooooo much WOO
10. getting into a college :D
11. friends. on christmas.

Song of the Day: Final Countdown- Europe, Superboy and the Invisible Girl- Next to Normal

Oh my god

Everything changes so quickly. So many emotions, so little time, so little sleep.

Jesus Christ.

A real post soon...I promise. Break is so close I can taste it. Yum.

<3

Song of the Day: Don't Let Us Get Sick- Warren Zevon BUT COVERED BY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE BENNETT KNOX

Ain't Got No Mind (Lost It)

My life lately has been ridiculous:
[ri-dik-yuh-luhs] –adjective
causing or worthy of ridicule or derision; absurd; preposterous; laughable: a ridiculous plan.
Synonyms: nonsensical, ludicrous, funny, droll, comical, farcical. See absurd.

Haaaaaaa. I even use the word absurd SO often now.
I can't string my thoughts together correctly right now because of lack of sleep, lots of homework, someone, my friends' problems, and the fact that I find out if I get into Wesleyan tomorrow. Okay. Let's go through each of those things and let's try our BEST not to laugh uncontrollably at Shana while she writes terribly (and probably boring-ly) about her life. LET'S GO!

1) Lack of Sleep. Recently, despite not having a terrible amount of homework, I've been staying up later than ever. It may be because I'm just nervous about a lot of things right now, but I also feel different this year than I did last year. It's started to hit me that I won't be seeing my friends after SHITWHATTHEFUCK 6 months minus one day. June 11th is graduation. Jeez. Anyway, Skype has been calling my name night after night and I just can't seem to get off of it. It's not even that I'm not getting my work done, it's just that I'm doing it waaaaaaaaay later. Like at 2 instead of 10. Mmm. Healthy. Now I just constantly feel in limbo. AND NO I WAS NOT MAKING AN INCEPTION REFERENCE YOU STUPID PEOPLE WHO LIKED THAT MOVIE. (Oh, what? Did I just insult ALL of you? I apologize. Please keep reading anyway. Ha) I kinda feel like I'm floating through life, but it's not that I'm not noticing or participating in things, it just feels more easy-going in a way, which is a feeling I canNOT reconcile with all of the stress right now.

2) Lots of Homework. Two sentence: I ALWAYS POST ON THIS BLOG WHEN I HAVE A LOT OF HOMEWORK I SHOULD BE DOING. It will get done right after this. :D Maaaaaybe

3) Someone. Augh. I hate feeling like a teenager so much. I really do. I just wish I was in control of some things that I'm not and I wish that I hadn't gotten myself into this position. It's making me kind of depressed. And I know that NO ONE knows who this is about and why and stuff but that's totally fine with me, I just wanted to write some completely incoherent sentences about it. I'm just really lonely (AWWWWWW, TEENAGE ANGST WOOOOO) and this is kind of hard.

4) My Friends' Problems. They're killing me. The problems, not my friends. I have this issue that I need my friends to be happy, and when they aren't, even though I'm not involved fully or necessarily important to the issue, it hurts me so much. I don't even care about my own problems when my friends have issues. All I want to do is see them smile. Also, there's an upside to caring so much: when good things start happening, they make me so joyous. Ex. When Dylan got into Northwestern, I started crying.
AND I KNOW I KNOW I NEVER MENTION NAMES, but...that's just a jab at him. YEAH, DYLAN, SEE WHAT I DO FOR YOU!? ...Wanna be roomies?

5) The Fact. Okay. I applied ED to Wesleyan University. Both of my parents went there, but I'm not just interested in it because of that. In fact, I HATE the fact that they both went there because whenever I'm unsure about getting in or not, people always say, "Ohhhh, you're a legacy, don't worry." AND THAT PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF. If I want to succeed and get into a school, I want to get in BY MYSELF. WITH THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT ME. NOT THEM.
I mean, of course I'm glad they went and met, because if they didn't, I wouldn't exist...but moving on. The thing about this is that I'm not sure I should've applied ED. I know everyone has second guesses and stuff, but I do love other colleges too. So, I'm not gonna be too broken up if I didn't get in, and I'll find out 24 hours and 40 minutes from now. What the fuckity fuck. I mean, it'll be wonderful to get in. WONDERFUL. but...

What I've learned most about myself recently is that I'm extremely realistic. I don't even know how to explain why or how, but that's just it.

By the way the title of this blogpost is from a song from HAIR, the soundtrack which I am listening to now in full because I know every note, every lyric, every key change, and every scream or woop in every song. Somehow, that feels so reassuring, even when almost nothing else does.

Be peaceful, please.
Love,
Shana x

Song of the Day: Easy to be Hard- HAIR (I normally don't even love this song. So weird.)

Hey hi hello.

Just stopping by for a REALLY quick min to share two links:

One is the link to my Formspring, which I have taken off of my FB:
www.formspring.me/shanananabatman

And the other is the link to a YouTube video that my friend Sophie and I made last night at 1 in the morning. It's super cute.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKjE2PFL4o4

That is all for now.
TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT
xx
shana

Song of the Day: Touch-a-touch-a-touch Me -ROCKY HORROR

Snow? On Halloween?

...In Canada, the title of this blogpost is NOT A JOKE. I just found out from someone that it is in fact SNOWING where I was in Canada for a little while this summer.

I usually love Halloween and the autumn, but for some reason I really want to be there right now.

I don't know why.

...Apparently I can't wait for winter. Huh.

Also apparently someone learned the correct way to spell 'segue' by reading my blog.

CHECK PLUS FOR SHANA.

Hope everyone's pre-Halloweening activities were wonderful! I was up until 4 last night! Also, I was Robin Hood this year. As opposed to Uhura from Star Trek last year...*cough*.

I know this post is short and the formatting is weird, but I have a French essay to write.

Happy happy hallow's eve, y'all.

love shana

x

Remember.

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

-Christina Rossetti

Okay. There's a lot going on in my head right now. (By the way--hello, blog! Nice to see you!) This poem was constructed and arranged into a song by Dohters last year, and it was their senior song, and I always feel like crying when I hear it. (Even though I'm not in Dohters and I wasn't a senior- it's just...beautiful. So so beautiful.) However, we also read this poem in AP Eng class a few weeks ago right as we were finishing reading Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro. That book was quite a stunt. Incredibly character-driven and well written, it was also the most depressing book I've read in quite a while. I love being able to talk about sad books, but not conventionally sad ones, with Harkness. You want to know why? Because a lot of the time I don't know what to say and other people do. And that's great.

I may have been more affected by this book (and while I just typed 'affected' I would like to take this second to remind anyone who's reading the difference between 'effect' and 'affect'. thank you.) than other people too because I was reading it the same time I was reading and then finishing, far too quickly, Looking for Alaska by John Green. An absolutely stupendously and beautifully written portrait of a boy, around my age, and his experiences (and lack thereof) with and having to do with Alaska Young. I fell in love with both of their characters, which made it all the more devastating when the big bomb was dropped in the middle of the book. It was actually one of the best books I've ever read, and it immediately jumped to the top of my list. I'm reading another John Green book right now, too: Will Grayson, Will Grayson.

I feel like everything is connecting in this post. Next segue...(AND YES IT'S SPELLED SEGUE NOT SEGWAY YOU FOOLISH PEOPLE) I watch John and his brother Hank on YouTube each and every week on the vlogbrothers channel. During this unbelievably stressful, and weird, and sad, and strange, and happy, and ETC time of senior year, their ~4 video blogs to each other have given me moments of respite, and sometimes just pure unadulterated happiness, for a much needed short period of time.

I'm addicted to YouTube, and I watch a shitload of videos from people I follow whenever I get the chance, but their videos mean more to me because they're not just vlogs, or comments on random things: they're a way of staying in contact with someone you really care about, with the help of the handy interwebz.

Segue number three. (Come ON, give me some credit...this is pretty cool...) I've always had a tough time with online communication. I have so much going on in my day-to-day life at Masters, and even in Pleasantville, that I will simply forget people. Not fully, of course, because I make sure to have everyone catalogued by some sort of fact in my head, but just for a short period of time until that fact suddenly rushes back to me and I remember that I want to contact them. I've fallen out of touch with many, many people who I would've rather not, from past summer programs or even my old highschool. I've learned to accept that I actually can't see, or talk to, everyone on a day to day basis, though, so I don't pay it TOO much trouble. This year, though, in both good forms and in very bad, I've been staying in very close contact with people from Earthwatch this summer. This makes me feel like these people are thinking of me on a day to day basis, in THEIR own day to day, busy, hectic lives, and want me to know what they're doing or how I am.

And that, my friends, makes me happy. All the love and peace in my heart goes out to you every single day.

I love my friends. I just came back from dinner downtown, where three of my friends from at least half an hour away had driven just so I didn't have to shlep myself out to their neck of the woods. I really appreciate it. Some of these people I can't even bear thinking about leaving. This year is getting really, really weird, and I'm hanging out with some people I would've thought that I'd never hang out with, too. I think it's coming hand in hand with the fact that come June 11th, we won't ever all be in the same place again at the same time.

When I typed that, my stomach started churning.

Enough huge thoughts tonight, I'D SAAAAAY.

I want to make this a more regular thing. Leave me topics to talk about,

and

remember me.

love,

shana

x

be at peace.

Song of the Day: Just a Dream- Nelly (just because, for a rap song, its chorus is kind of indescribably beautiful.)

Hey.

I know it's been a while, blog. Try to forgive me.

It's 12:25 on a Thursday night. Ahh, it feels like junior year again. The only reason that I'm writing this little thing instead of finishing studying for Poli Sci is that I couldn't bear that my last post was from AUGUST. THE HORROR.

A lot has changed since then. Frienships re-established, college applied to, school started. Mostly good, actually. My classes are great as a whole and my friends are unbelieveable.

I want to sleep. Really badly. I will post more in the future. So see you around. Or not.

Bye!

xx

Song of the Day: Masterpiece Theater III- Marianas Trench

Wah.

So today was interesting. It started off with my fracturing one of the closest friendships I've had very quickly. (great start.) I now don't even know if she wants to talk to me ever again and I don't know what I did. Then I had a college counselling meeting. The meeting itself was great (I now know that I can get into college and that significantly improved my self esteem...just in time for it to get knocked to the ground again) and after I got home I had a really nice lunch with my mom. And then one of my closest friends (I mean...I thought so) told me that she didn't think that we were friends anymore. And I kind of just broke. And now I have to put on a happy face because my sister and brother (from another mother) are coming over and this is the last time I'll see her before she goes to college, and I want to be happy and everything but I can't be. I just fucking can't be. I feel like I might be developing the ability to have panic attacks, because I can't believe I'm feeling like this during the summer. I feel all of my responsibilities rushing up onto me and I don't know if I can handle any of them. At all. I feel as if I've already forgotten how to treat people and things.

I will not let this ruin my summer. I can't let it. I had an amazing, memorable, incredible summer and I don't want it to end with this. I don't know how to prevent it, though. I really, really don't.

Tonight is the last night I'll see Rachel before she goes to college. She is my older sister and has been for my entire life. I can't believe it. I love her more than anything and I can't believe I'll be in this mood while seeing her. I have to go walk my dog now, though, so maybe Comet and some Green Day will cheer me up!

Also, Kendal is leaving soon. My heart is falling apart.

Goddamn.

Also I'm staying up until I'm done with my heart hand grenade painting tonight. I have to. It's so therapeutic to paint.

Peace,

(please.)

Shana xx

Song of the Day: Boulevard of Broken Dreams- If you don't know who this is by, I will punch you.

Blog post about Seascape.

Hi guys. I know I've been gone for forever and I'm in a bad mood right now so I don't want to write any more, but here is a blog post that I did for the kayaking company I interned for during this summer. I'll definitely be writing more about the other parts, but you'll just have to wait for that! :) Enjoy. (Parts are ommitted because it also went on the Seascape blog.)

For a week in July, I interned for Seascape on Deer Island in the Bay of Fundy. How did I get this chance? Well- I’m glad you asked! It certainly requires a bit of explanation and I will try my best to answer. My mother actually went on a Seascape trip to Costa Rica with Bruce last year. Then I ended up with this internship. Done! Doesn’t seem like a full enough explanation? Well, the truth is that I have to confess I don’t know exactly the intermediary steps between these two events. However, I DO know that they were orchestrated by a few AMAZING people and added up to this amazing opportunity. And I’m so glad they did.
The island that Seascape is located on is a twenty minute ferry ride from mainland New Brunswick, which makes it right in the middle of the Bay of Fundy. I love the Bay of Fundy. Although I live over 500 miles and a ferry ride away, I actually used to go to a camp (The Whale Camp) on Grand Manan Island, which is larger and slightly farther away from the mainland than Deer Island. I went to this camp for two years, and I have to tell you, I absolutely fell in love with this part of the world. Never heard of it? Hopefully, by the end of this post, I’ll have made you want to come check it out. Anyway, you can imagine that when I was given the chance (somehow) to come back here, I (figuratively…but MAYBE physically) jumped for joy and immediately accepted.
This specific body of water is a special place for me. In my mind, it really can do almost no wrong. I don’t mind the fog. Or the cold. Or the wind. All I honestly care about is just being here and realizing that I am in a truly amazing place. This “sense of place” I am able to achieve only in the Bay happened to work completely in tandem (ha ha…kayak joke…oh god.) with Bruce’s, and Seascape’s in general, mission. I was blown away by how much this mindset of being in the moment and APPRECIATING that moment can do to enlightening people’s minds to how they’re living and where they are. And I know; this may sounds too flowery but I can’t stress it enough: this water is magical. It is teeming with life and information and to see people’s eyes and minds light up while on a paddle is absolutely incredible and almost indescribable. That simple is reason that I can’t wait to bring my family up here in the future. Simply observing how glassy the water is on a calm day or seeing a harbor seal pop up right beside your kayak almost forces your mind to take a step back and appreciate what it is taking in. Even picking up garbage can be an experience here.
What? Picking up GARBAGE? Ew! Gross! Well, yes. Picking up garbage can be gross and I really cannot deny that. I also cannot deny that like many other bodies of water, the Bay of Fundy faces the trash issue. When people feel the need to drive their boats out into the Bay, drink beer, and then throw that empty can into the water, it doesn’t end there. Animals can choke on the trash or get tangled up in it, chemicals poisonous to the water can seep into the sand or infect krill and the effects never stop. And some of us, the humans who would never think of doing that, tend to find the remains of that trash. Why does this STILL happen? I honestly don’t know. I don’t particularly understand why or how people feel that that is okay to do, but wondering about it or thinking bad thoughts about them certainly doesn’t help the issue. At my school (I’m going to be in 12th grade), I’m one of the new presidents of the environmental club, so it would seem in my natural mindset to want to work on this issue.
During my first paddle of the week, Bruce noticed my interest in picking up the empty water bottles and pieces of containers on the water and thereby declared that I would be the “Garbage Queen” by the end of the week. And you know what? I think he may have been right. About halfway through the week, during a paddle, our small group came upon a HUGE piece of Styrofoam floating along. And when I say huge, I mean close to mini iceberg size. And it was HEAVY. If you still don’t believe me: here’s a picture of the two people we went out with as well as myself and our friend the giant piece of Styrofoam. Bruce and I managed to balance it on the center of our tandem kayak and save one unfortunate (sorry Bruce! J ) incident, we got it back without issue.

Now I’m back in New York. I wrote this original blog entry on my last day at Seascape, so at this point in the writing I was getting ready to head over to St. Andrews on the mainland for a week of interning for a whale watching company, Quoddy Link Marine. Now, though, because I’m back in New York, I can think about my experience at Seascape with a grander perspective and I can say without a doubt that my week at Seascape was wonderful. I really got to see how much hard work is put into this business and how much Bruce (and Frank and Katinka and the rest of the guides J) really care about the people and this bay.
If you have gotten to this point in the blog post without falling asleep or losing concentration, thank you. And if you haven’t or you’re about to fall asleep, listen to me for ONE more second and please take this one last thing into consideration.
This place is important. This water is special and if you don’t visit it, it just might be ruined soon. It might be destroyed by us, humans; by all of that trash and uncaring people I just mentioned. Don’t waste your time. Just don’t. Don’t make any excuses. Just visit. Who knows? Maybe, hopefully, I just might be back here when you do.

Thanks, Seascape. Really.
Peace, love and whales,
Shana.

Song of the Day: Not Afraid- Eminem

Wow, second post today.

That must make up for SOMETHING, right?

Right. right. I am writing a short story. I have a lot of really cool ideas and I already got a LOT of it down on paper (and when I say that I mean I typed a lot of it haphazardly). I'm excited. This could be pretty cool. Even though it's for school and it's this late and I don't feel like doing anything...this could be pretty cool.

Let's hope so.
xxxx
S

Song of the Day: Breakeven- The Script

Dear Diary,

I feel like curling up in a really big field near a river (i don't know why it just sounds great cos it's out of my house...) and sleeping until, like, 4 years from now. What happened in my audition last night juxtaposed to what is contained in this weekend has shown me that I've actually finally broke. Of course I'll keep going, but I feel like my personality already has changed a huge amount. I just can't do this anymore.
Whatever. It was bound to come some time.

Fuck you, NYSSMA, SAT, being at school 24/7. Sorry life. I'm not exactly thrilled with you right now.

loves and hugs and kisses but NOT REALLY AT ALL,
shana

I don't know how to title this.

On February 28th, a man named Sir Barry Bowen perished in Belize after crashing his plane. He brought along with him a couple named Michael and Jill Casey, along with their two children. Michael was the principal of the experimental school in a tiny town in Belize called Gallon Jug. Jill was the sister of one of the owners at a lodge nearby Gallon Jug called Chan Chich. All of them died and were then laid to rest the day following.

Why am I writing about this? I have been going to Chan Chich lodge in Belize since I was six years old. This means that the first time my family brought me there, my brother was only three. To get to Chan Chich, you have to fly into Belize City Airport and then take a little tiny 6 person plane to Gallon Jug. Once you're there, a guide picks you up in a van and drives for about half an hour into the rainforest. Chan Chich is situated in an old Mayan site, and there are lots of different ancient buildings that are now covered by years of dirt, grass, and vegetation. I have been going there every year since I was six years old, but I haven't been there in about a year and a half now. My family's schedule has been too hectic to get us all there (even though there's only four us) but we are planning to go back as soon as possible...partly because of this news.

My family has seen Chan Chich go through several different managements and seen even more developments and buildings being built and roads being carved out. We go there because it's actually one of the few places that has preserved rain forest. We see all sorts of animals, including large cats, koatamundis, and so many different types of birds. We wake up every morning around 4(unfortunately) to the sound of howler monkeys, which still manages to freak the hell out of me, but then sometimes get to fall back asleep. I've known the guides there for 10 years of my 16 year life. Some of them have seen me grow and mature in a way that is completely different than the way that anyone else has seen me grow up. We begin with hugs and end with wanting to come back again and again.

Barry Bowen made this all possible. He was the heart and soul of Belize, and he made sure that everything in Gallon Jug (the coffeebean farm, the horseback riding, Chan Chich, and the experimental school) were run well and safely. His name is on every water bottle that you find in Belize and he was the biggest, most important business tycoon of the entire country.

I've only visited the Gallon Jug Community School a few times. It covers several grades (I don't remember which) but everytime we've been there, everyone has been kind and wonderful. My father has entered contests in which money is donated to them.


Along with the loss of Barry Bowen is the principal of this school, as well as his wife and two children.

I don't know how much is going to change about Belize, the Belize I've known my whole life, but I'm scared to find out. I can just hope that the families who have been affected by this, even more than I have, as well as the whole of Belize (and I am not stressing nearly enough how much this man meant to the country) can keep on functioning to the best of their ability.

My father just told me this today, and I don't know how to handle it.

Some things are too good to stay, I guess.

I am sorry that this is so different than my regular blogposts, but I feel so crushed because this has been such a central part of my life for the majority of it. I will be posting again soon, but I don't know what else to think about right now.

Rest in Peace. I know everyone is thinking of you.

Thanks for reading. <3.

hello, snow.

Hi everyone.

I'm sitting in my room (close this window now if you don't want to hear about my day, because that's what this is going to be about. okay.) and looking out my window. The snow is STILL coming down pretty damn steadily, and everytime I look, it makes me happy. I mean, I love when I wake up and the snow has already stopped and it's all quiet and stuff, but it just feels so wonderful to be inside and for it to still be snowing. I don't know why I can't explain it, but I know some people must feel the same way.
Okay. I just read a chapter of my book for AP English, Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. It is QUITE POSSIBLY the BEST book I've read in a very long time, and I'm really enjoying it. Unfortunately, the chapter I just spent an hour reading wasn't that exciting...and therefore this part of the post isn't that exciting either. What I'm saying it, I was sitting here reading and listening to the Hair soundtrack on my speakers (...duh?) and looking out the window, and I kept getting the strangest feeling. Everytime I looked out the window my heart almost skipped a beat...which I find really strange. It keeps happening to me even as I'm writing, now, and a smile was actually just brought to my face as I looked at the mini-forest in my backyard and all of the outlines of the black trees compared to the snow weighing them down. My stomach almost feels like butterflies and I'm actually starting to really wonder why I'm feeling like this. I guess...I mean, I don't really know, but I'm just glad about this day. I've had kind of a hard time with my family lately, and it's just nice to be able to sit here and watch something that's completely out of my control, like NATURE! :)

If you're reading this today, after I've posted, go look out your window. Periodically a gust of wind will bring the snow crashing (softly, but nonetheless crashing) against your window, and it might leave a little design with the snowflakes. I don't know why I feel so poetic right now, but I guess it might be for a couple of reasons.

1) Valentine's Day is coming up, so there's a lot of energy. Everywhere. At school, in the city, in stores, and especially in Hallmark. If you want to see the post I'm proudest of on here, it's actually about Valentine's Day. Go to the sidebar thingy and look for February 2009, and it'll be one of the posts in that folder. Go read that, and then come back here. I'll wait.
....you done? Good.
Well, it's not that I'm NOT a fan of Valentine's Day, because I love love (..hah) but it just makes me a little sad. I'm not going to rant about it being Single's Awareness Day (oh hardy har...SAD as an acronym...ergh) or anything, but it is kind of disappointing how commercialized it is. I appreciate that people want to show how much they love (or appreciate) each other at this point in the game, but I always make handmade valentines. Buying them from Hallmark or whatever seems cute, but it actually means so much more if you actually write something yourself.
I'm not saying I don't WANT someone to be with me on Valentine's Day, because come one! Don't kid yourself if you're single. There's bound to be something in the back of your head saying that, but I really have recently realized how appreciative I can be of my life UNTIL I get someone who actually really matters. I have, by far, the most incredible friends at Masters and elsewhere and I am so constantly filled up with love that it makes me feel all fluttery and what not. I have learned to love because of them, so I'll be ready when someone, who I probably don't even know yet, is as well. I like the candy on Valentine's day, though. Except those chalky hearts. My heart almost broke when I found out at the bakery that the "Fax Me" ones have been terminated. :(

2) The weather, obviously. (Did you forget what I was talking about? A refresher: why I feel so poetryish. You're welcome.) I don't need to talk more about it, but it's just SO damn beautiful.

3) The fact that I feel kind of productive today. I've already done SOME homework, but I am planning on doing more after this. APUSH HERE I COME.

Yeah. I guess that's it.
ALSO: Hair posted a thing last night for NYC students giving them discounts because of the snow day...and I got SO excited and was actually about 2 seconds from going in today until I realized it would be MUCH more convenient if I actually lived in the city and wasn't scared of the fact that the trains wouldn't be able to return me to Westchester. Brr. I'm kinda disappointed because this seemed like a good opportunity, but seriously? Who am I kidding? I don't know how this show has developed into such a big part of me, but I love it. So that's why I listened/sang to the soundtrack today.
(Sorry, boring.)

Anyway. If anyone reads this, thanks. Of course now, my parents are yelling about work and stuff, so I guess I'll get up and close the door which means I need to end this post.

Thanks, guys, and know that I love you.
<3 I really do.

Have a delicious snow day, NY people.
Bye. xx

Song of the Day: I don't know, actually. I've listened to so much music today, so: the Hair Soundtracks, the Aquabats, Title of Show and the sounds of the Food Network. heh.

LOOK HOW PURTY.

on hiatus by force

...of school and life.

I'm sorry. For some reason, if there's something on my mind nowadays, I don't seem to want to make the effort to write about it. I doubt anyone reads this anymore...(like that many people did) but I will try my best to keep on writing. It will be less often, though. I've discovered it's kind of hard to handle all of this stuff.


I should have been in bed fast asleep by now. But nope.

And I'm okay with that for a couple of reasons :)

...I think I'll at least GET in bed now and probably do some more work.

Anyway, if anyone reads this, leave me a comment or talk to me in school and I'll write something for you. It's just the 'thinking of' thing I haven't been bothering doing..

I apologize.

Goodnight xx



Song of the Day: Fallin' and Flyin' - Jeff Bridges and Colin Farrell, Crazy Heart

Holy crap, I am really sorry

I have neglected this for more than a month. Jesus Christ. (Hah...it's Christmas...ha...) Well, actually, it's not Christmas anymore. It's 23 minutes past it. I hope everyone was in good cheer and got lots of presents and blah blah blah. But seriously, from what I've heard, it was a good one. I hope everyone had fun.

I, I went into Chinatown with my family, as any typical Jew would on Christmas, and ate Chinese food. I also bought a shitload of Chinese food and candy, which I'm a sucker for (unfortunately). I've been eating it all night, but my brother finished his little bag of candy in the half hour time period right after buying it. Woooo..

I also watched Up for the first time today. My god. What a terrific movie. Seriously, Pixar, you are fantastic. Not that we don't know that already.

ANNNNNNDD on the subject of movies, movies and plays are my focus this break. I even made a list.

Movies to See/Watch

• Avatar
• Up in the Air
• Sherlock Holmes
• Fantastic Mr. Fox
• Me and Orson Welles
• Crazy Heart
• Invictus
• A Single Man

and on DVD...Star Trek (...I know, I know, but I got it for Hanukkah and it makes me almost as happy [if not a bit more] than Ferris Bueller so...yeah), North By Northwest (another Hanukkah present...Cary Grant <3),>

SO FAR I HAVE SEEN: Avatar. Fantastic Mr. Fox. Up. Star Trek. North by Northwest.

I've been trying to do, like, one a day so I don't get TOOO fat by just sitting and watching movies. OK. Quick reviews of movies in theatres:

AVATAR.

Holy mother of GOD. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. This is a phenomonal movie. It is possibly the most visually pleasing and mindblowingly beautiful film I have seen in my entire life. All the acting is done wonderfully, especially Michelle Rodriguez's little part- she kicks ass. Such a great movie. Please see it, if not for the storyline then just for the experience, before it leaves theatres. Which won't be anytime soon, so you're lucky.

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Holy mother of God! This is ALSO a great movie. Like Avatar, the animation is fantastic but obviously in a completely different way. I've always been partial to stop-motion because I grew up on Wallace and Gromit (Hardy har har..) but this just blew my mind. The addition of the voices of Meryl Streep, George Clooney, and the guy who voices Kristofferson (...sorry, actor) were great as well. Overall, an entirely satisfying movie. An adorable story told by adorable puppets. Just go see it. And be happy.

Okay. I also saw West Side Story (ergh) and Superior Donuts (YAY!)...which are plays, for those who don't know, but I'll be reviewing them in the next post. Sorry for so much movie-talk, but that's really what is running through my head most of the time.

I hope everyone had a great holiday, and for my jewish brothers and sisters I hope your Hanukkahs were as great as mine :)

....and to all a good night!

Bye. xx

Song of the Day: every christmas carol but especially Mariah Carey's...and I See You- Leona Lewis.

I saw Hair.

It changed my life. End of story. I will write all about it tomorrow, but it's super late right now. This is just a heads up!

ALSO happy thanksgiving to all of you my dear friends. I do hope that it was as wonderful as mine. I am thankful for so many things:

My family. My wonderful, wonderful family. Just to begin with.

1. My friends.
2. My DOG (that's funny I tried to write dog and wrote god instead...)
3. the chances I get at Masters to pursue directing
4. tea
5. people who push and don't ever stop pushing for equality
6. Hair. the cast of Hair. the music of Hair.
7. Brett Erlich.
8. Movies.
9. Books.
10. the Food Network.
11. german techno.
12. pillows.
13. indie scarves.
14. freedom.
15. anyone who has ever made an impact on me
16. Equus.
17. grass.
18. George Orwell
19. Barack Obama (!!!!!!!!!!!!)
20. the lightbulb
21. chocolate chips
22. Gavin Creel
23. pirates (not of the Somalian variation)
24. people who love me. people who I love.

Guys...I'm so thankful. I have so much to live for. Thank you.

Goodnight

xx.

Song of the Day: EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SONG FROM HAIR.

romcoms

Romantic Comedy Count (for the Weekend): 2
1) 27 Dresses
2) The Proposal

Okay. For those of you who know me well in real life, and actually talk to me, you MIGHT possibly know that I don't really watch romantic comedies. I don't have (unfortunately) a huge amount of time to watch movies at ALL these days, so when I do, they're usually...awkward cough...a little more substantial. For instance I could've been watching something like the Bourne movies (which I STILL need to see, dammit) but I watched these.

Explanations

1) 27 Dresses
My best friend came home from college, and it was the DVD that was in her computer. She picked me up once she got back and we went out for awhile and by the time we got back to Pleasantville, the video store had closed. Our options: Disney Channel or 27 Dresses. Do not get me wrong. I like the Disney Channel as much as the other teenager (sometimes) but I actually (secretly) but not so secretly have a huge thing for James Marsden. BUT SERIOUSLY WHO WOULDN'T. HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL
...anyway. Jeez. I've seen that movie about 6 times now (or something around that number) for the sole reason of JM, but (HOLY SHIT I JUST NOTICED THAT JAMES MARSDEN AND JASON MRAZ HAVE THE SAME INITIALS. Great stuff. greeeeeat stuff.) I don't really mind. It's a pretty decent rom com. It's entirely predictable, but the acting is pretty good and you're pretty satisfied with the ending. Also, did I mention that James Marsden is in it? :)
ROMCOMRATING: 7/10

2) The Proposal
Sandra Bullock. Ryan Reynolds. The same girl who played the sister in 27 Dresses (go figure) playing the ex-girlfriend. Coles was over and we had no idea what to watch. She suggested The Reader, because for some reason I have it in my house even though none of my family members have seen it....but I said no, because I didn't feel like being depressed. Turn on the TV, caught a little bit of the third Pirates movie, had NO fucking clue as to what was going on, looked on Demand and found The Proposal. Boom. It was preeeeeetty damn good. First of all, Ryan Reynolds is adorable and pretty charming. Sandra Bullock played a very obnoxious character extraordinarily well. Solid acting in both parts, and the secondary characters (minus the dad) were also very good. Also, there was a REALLY cute dog in the movie too. And Alaska. That gave it another point.

I actually really enjoyed it. It made me feel pretty warm and fuzzy inside without entirely overdoing it. Just enough cheesy music, just enough awkward nakedness, just enough stupid "funny" scenes, just enough finale kiss at the end. Pretty cute! If you're bored and don't want to put any energy into watching a movie, rent this. Also if you like Ryan Reynolds. Because he's adorable.

ROMCOMRATING: 10/10

THE ROMCOMRATING IS A CAREFULLY MEASURED RATING SYSTEM COMPRISED OF THE OPINIONS OF SHANA WALLACE AND THE WONDERFUL FRIENDS SHE VIEWED THESE MOVIES WITH. THE RATINGS ONLY COMPARE TO OTHER ROMCOMS, SO A 5/10 IS NOT COMPARABLE TO A 5/10 FOR A REGULAR MOVIE. THANK YOU. AND ENJOY THE BLOG.

I'm gonna write more tomorrow. It's break! WOOHOO!

love.

Song of the Day: none....really....I worked today. sorry! one tomorrow. ACTUALLY...just because I love this song: Bella Luna- Jason Mraz

chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanges or things that stayed the same.

1. I got a haircut. Short hair....weird.
2. I switched out of Hon Precalc.
3. I switched INTO regular Precalc.
4. I had to drop Directing.
5. I've been wearing less makeup lately. I can't be bothered. uhh
6. I've been sleeping more, but feeling less rested.
7. I've been crying a lot more lately. Which is odd, because I don't cry a lot.
8. I feel as if I've been appreciating music a lot more lately.
9. I still don't feel as if I put enough into clarinet.
10. Things may be starting to look up.
11. I've been feeling a little more self-confident lately, which is odd given the circumstances.
12. I really, really miss directing.
13. I might be doing independent study. That would be incredible.
14. I don't want people to forget about me.
15. I want you, but I don't at the same time
16. The new earrings I recently bought make me look like I should talk with a New Jersey accent.
17. I want desperately to sleep but at the same time I know I wouldn't be able to fall asleep.
18. I don't miss Pleasantville at all. I miss people, but not the place.
19. I love my friends. Goddammit.
20. Working at F&S sometimes gets me through the week.
21. I wish I was more productive
22. I wish I was quieter
23. I wish that I could stop wishing things and just be grateful for all of the fantastic things I already have.

You're cute.

Goodbye

xx

Song of the Day: The Load Out/Stay- Jackson Browne

*swoon*