Holy crap, I am really sorry

I have neglected this for more than a month. Jesus Christ. (Hah...it's Christmas...ha...) Well, actually, it's not Christmas anymore. It's 23 minutes past it. I hope everyone was in good cheer and got lots of presents and blah blah blah. But seriously, from what I've heard, it was a good one. I hope everyone had fun.

I, I went into Chinatown with my family, as any typical Jew would on Christmas, and ate Chinese food. I also bought a shitload of Chinese food and candy, which I'm a sucker for (unfortunately). I've been eating it all night, but my brother finished his little bag of candy in the half hour time period right after buying it. Woooo..

I also watched Up for the first time today. My god. What a terrific movie. Seriously, Pixar, you are fantastic. Not that we don't know that already.

ANNNNNNDD on the subject of movies, movies and plays are my focus this break. I even made a list.

Movies to See/Watch

• Avatar
• Up in the Air
• Sherlock Holmes
• Fantastic Mr. Fox
• Me and Orson Welles
• Crazy Heart
• Invictus
• A Single Man

and on DVD...Star Trek (...I know, I know, but I got it for Hanukkah and it makes me almost as happy [if not a bit more] than Ferris Bueller so...yeah), North By Northwest (another Hanukkah present...Cary Grant <3),>

SO FAR I HAVE SEEN: Avatar. Fantastic Mr. Fox. Up. Star Trek. North by Northwest.

I've been trying to do, like, one a day so I don't get TOOO fat by just sitting and watching movies. OK. Quick reviews of movies in theatres:

AVATAR.

Holy mother of GOD. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. This is a phenomonal movie. It is possibly the most visually pleasing and mindblowingly beautiful film I have seen in my entire life. All the acting is done wonderfully, especially Michelle Rodriguez's little part- she kicks ass. Such a great movie. Please see it, if not for the storyline then just for the experience, before it leaves theatres. Which won't be anytime soon, so you're lucky.

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Holy mother of God! This is ALSO a great movie. Like Avatar, the animation is fantastic but obviously in a completely different way. I've always been partial to stop-motion because I grew up on Wallace and Gromit (Hardy har har..) but this just blew my mind. The addition of the voices of Meryl Streep, George Clooney, and the guy who voices Kristofferson (...sorry, actor) were great as well. Overall, an entirely satisfying movie. An adorable story told by adorable puppets. Just go see it. And be happy.

Okay. I also saw West Side Story (ergh) and Superior Donuts (YAY!)...which are plays, for those who don't know, but I'll be reviewing them in the next post. Sorry for so much movie-talk, but that's really what is running through my head most of the time.

I hope everyone had a great holiday, and for my jewish brothers and sisters I hope your Hanukkahs were as great as mine :)

....and to all a good night!

Bye. xx

Song of the Day: every christmas carol but especially Mariah Carey's...and I See You- Leona Lewis.

I saw Hair.

It changed my life. End of story. I will write all about it tomorrow, but it's super late right now. This is just a heads up!

ALSO happy thanksgiving to all of you my dear friends. I do hope that it was as wonderful as mine. I am thankful for so many things:

My family. My wonderful, wonderful family. Just to begin with.

1. My friends.
2. My DOG (that's funny I tried to write dog and wrote god instead...)
3. the chances I get at Masters to pursue directing
4. tea
5. people who push and don't ever stop pushing for equality
6. Hair. the cast of Hair. the music of Hair.
7. Brett Erlich.
8. Movies.
9. Books.
10. the Food Network.
11. german techno.
12. pillows.
13. indie scarves.
14. freedom.
15. anyone who has ever made an impact on me
16. Equus.
17. grass.
18. George Orwell
19. Barack Obama (!!!!!!!!!!!!)
20. the lightbulb
21. chocolate chips
22. Gavin Creel
23. pirates (not of the Somalian variation)
24. people who love me. people who I love.

Guys...I'm so thankful. I have so much to live for. Thank you.

Goodnight

xx.

Song of the Day: EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SONG FROM HAIR.

romcoms

Romantic Comedy Count (for the Weekend): 2
1) 27 Dresses
2) The Proposal

Okay. For those of you who know me well in real life, and actually talk to me, you MIGHT possibly know that I don't really watch romantic comedies. I don't have (unfortunately) a huge amount of time to watch movies at ALL these days, so when I do, they're usually...awkward cough...a little more substantial. For instance I could've been watching something like the Bourne movies (which I STILL need to see, dammit) but I watched these.

Explanations

1) 27 Dresses
My best friend came home from college, and it was the DVD that was in her computer. She picked me up once she got back and we went out for awhile and by the time we got back to Pleasantville, the video store had closed. Our options: Disney Channel or 27 Dresses. Do not get me wrong. I like the Disney Channel as much as the other teenager (sometimes) but I actually (secretly) but not so secretly have a huge thing for James Marsden. BUT SERIOUSLY WHO WOULDN'T. HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL
...anyway. Jeez. I've seen that movie about 6 times now (or something around that number) for the sole reason of JM, but (HOLY SHIT I JUST NOTICED THAT JAMES MARSDEN AND JASON MRAZ HAVE THE SAME INITIALS. Great stuff. greeeeeat stuff.) I don't really mind. It's a pretty decent rom com. It's entirely predictable, but the acting is pretty good and you're pretty satisfied with the ending. Also, did I mention that James Marsden is in it? :)
ROMCOMRATING: 7/10

2) The Proposal
Sandra Bullock. Ryan Reynolds. The same girl who played the sister in 27 Dresses (go figure) playing the ex-girlfriend. Coles was over and we had no idea what to watch. She suggested The Reader, because for some reason I have it in my house even though none of my family members have seen it....but I said no, because I didn't feel like being depressed. Turn on the TV, caught a little bit of the third Pirates movie, had NO fucking clue as to what was going on, looked on Demand and found The Proposal. Boom. It was preeeeeetty damn good. First of all, Ryan Reynolds is adorable and pretty charming. Sandra Bullock played a very obnoxious character extraordinarily well. Solid acting in both parts, and the secondary characters (minus the dad) were also very good. Also, there was a REALLY cute dog in the movie too. And Alaska. That gave it another point.

I actually really enjoyed it. It made me feel pretty warm and fuzzy inside without entirely overdoing it. Just enough cheesy music, just enough awkward nakedness, just enough stupid "funny" scenes, just enough finale kiss at the end. Pretty cute! If you're bored and don't want to put any energy into watching a movie, rent this. Also if you like Ryan Reynolds. Because he's adorable.

ROMCOMRATING: 10/10

THE ROMCOMRATING IS A CAREFULLY MEASURED RATING SYSTEM COMPRISED OF THE OPINIONS OF SHANA WALLACE AND THE WONDERFUL FRIENDS SHE VIEWED THESE MOVIES WITH. THE RATINGS ONLY COMPARE TO OTHER ROMCOMS, SO A 5/10 IS NOT COMPARABLE TO A 5/10 FOR A REGULAR MOVIE. THANK YOU. AND ENJOY THE BLOG.

I'm gonna write more tomorrow. It's break! WOOHOO!

love.

Song of the Day: none....really....I worked today. sorry! one tomorrow. ACTUALLY...just because I love this song: Bella Luna- Jason Mraz

chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanges or things that stayed the same.

1. I got a haircut. Short hair....weird.
2. I switched out of Hon Precalc.
3. I switched INTO regular Precalc.
4. I had to drop Directing.
5. I've been wearing less makeup lately. I can't be bothered. uhh
6. I've been sleeping more, but feeling less rested.
7. I've been crying a lot more lately. Which is odd, because I don't cry a lot.
8. I feel as if I've been appreciating music a lot more lately.
9. I still don't feel as if I put enough into clarinet.
10. Things may be starting to look up.
11. I've been feeling a little more self-confident lately, which is odd given the circumstances.
12. I really, really miss directing.
13. I might be doing independent study. That would be incredible.
14. I don't want people to forget about me.
15. I want you, but I don't at the same time
16. The new earrings I recently bought make me look like I should talk with a New Jersey accent.
17. I want desperately to sleep but at the same time I know I wouldn't be able to fall asleep.
18. I don't miss Pleasantville at all. I miss people, but not the place.
19. I love my friends. Goddammit.
20. Working at F&S sometimes gets me through the week.
21. I wish I was more productive
22. I wish I was quieter
23. I wish that I could stop wishing things and just be grateful for all of the fantastic things I already have.

You're cute.

Goodbye

xx

Song of the Day: The Load Out/Stay- Jackson Browne

*swoon*

back to the future

I don't know why, but I JUST had the urge to watch all three Back to the Future movies. (also if you haven't seen them, go punch yourself in the throat- but before you do that, watch them.)

This post is going to be short because I want to go to bed. For some odd reason I worked really diligently today and all I have left are some documents for APUSH and clarinet. What the fuuuuuuck. Not complaining, though.

Today was good except for precalc. This is the first time that I'm really (almost and probably) failing a class. It's just too fucking hard. I can't succeed at EVERYTHING dammit! Luckily, however, my parents are awesome and they just want to help. Thank god. They're not mad or anything, because they know I'm trying so hard.

I have the song "The Flag" by the Barenaked Ladies stuck in my head. It's a really sad song, but for some reason I can't stop listening to it. I wonder why :-/...

Daylights saving time (lack thereof, actually) is amazing. It makes me so happy. I actually slept for like, 7 hours last night. I woke up this morning and I felt weird, because for the first time in over a month I actually felt refreshed. Then I think I hit a sugar low at around 2 and that all disappeared.

GODDAMN my brother just started playing his trumpet. That means I have to wait to practice clarinet...fuckkkk.

Anyway, 2nd meeting of Harry Potter Club tomorrow. WOOOOO I'm excited. I think this week is going to be good, or atleast interesting.

Also your mission if you're reading this: TELL ME! I've already had a lot of people tell me they've read this, and as I've already said, I LOVE hearing that. Seriously. Pumps my self esteem up a little higher.

I'm going go choose another scene to direct for, guess what, Directing now. I want it to be a sad scene, or at least poignant.

Okay. I hope you're having a really good night, afternoon, morning, twilight (ergh), evening, or whenever you're reading this.
Best,
Goodnight
xx

Song of the Day: The Zephyr Song- Red Hot Chili Peppers

cool. cool life

For some reason I feel as if life really can't just leave itself be for a little while. For instance, I don't need to reiterate the fact that I don't get any sleep (partially responsible is the fact that I spend my time doing this) and am stressed out all the time, but REALLY?

The case in matter: My wood floors are being redone this week. As in the whole house REEKS of turpentine and we can't eat or walk in the kitchen? We've had takeout for the past two nights and then I basically just go hide in my room for the rest of the night, with my homework and whatnot, trying to escape the unescapable smell.

SERIOUSLY WTF. I always feel like there's gotta be something. This isn't a great example because it's not THAT big of a deal, but whatever.

Anyway it rained today. And I was depressed by the end of the day - play just ended and no matter how much I think I'm gonna see these people...I'm really not. And it makes me really sad. I mean, I always try SO HARD to stay good friends with people I care about, but it's too fucking hard right now. And that makes me really sad.

Needless to say: everyone at school is amazing. I really DO love you guys, and I appreciate the fact that each and every day you put up with shit and don't slap me silly. :) :) :) :) :)

But yeah. Play was fucking great, even though a lot of people didn't like the play. I actually ended up liking it a lot more than I thought I would, especially because of the performances.

ALSO HARRY POTTER CLUB STARTED TODAY and I'm so excited. I'm "Deputy Headmistress" and Head of Gryffindor. Woohoo :D To all my Gryffindor-lings, we're gonna kick some ass.

Despite all of this, I still have some homework left to do. And I know IN FACT that I will get in bed by 11 tonight, because I'm going to physically make myself do it.



....but I'm not tired. I'm not wired, though, either. I'm just kinda in this weird, perpetual state of sadhappycontentscaredness these days, and especially today. I don't know what I want, but I know that I won't be able to sleep trying to think about it.
:-/

I just wish things could lay themselves out in front of me on a big table, and I could pick and choose what I wanted. But hey, that wouldn't be life now would it?

Okay. Time to leave.

BUT BEFORE I GO: ROSHAN.DAVID.JAMIE. =PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY CAME UP TO ME AND TALKED TO ME ABOUT MY BLOG. When people do this, they really make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I appreciate it tremendous amounts, and I really mean it. Thanks so so much guys, and I will definitely write more often now.

Now to leave with random thoughts and then work and then sleep:
(My foot is asleep gahh)
((I feel like crying))
(((If you could only hug me for one minute more, I'd be happy.))) I know this one is cheesy, but what am I supposed to do? Tell my brain to stop thinking teenage thoughts?

K. Goodnight. I hope all of you guys have good days/hours/seconds/weeks.
xx

Song of the Day: Fireflies- Owl City

HOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT.

Okay, so it's not like I've been gone for a month and a half or something from this...nah. Nothing like that at all.

JUNIOR YEAR IS FUCKING HARD, DAMMIT. I don't get much sleep, and I'm constantly breaking down. It's okay, though (well kinda), because my friends and acting and stuff are all amazing right now. I just don't really get a huge amount of time to relax (or write on this), unless I'm procrastinating. Like right now :D

Too much shit has gone down (I feel so stupid for writing that but my brain isn't REALLLY working right now) in the past month for this one, short post.

:(

The play is on Friday :D I'm so excited. I'm so tired. AHHH AP ENGLISH STOP KILLING ME.


Okay. It's 10:22. I have to be in bed by 11. Possible?

Probably not.

Am I going to try my hardest?


...I don't know.

Okay so in apology for not writing for about 823947234 years, here's a cute picture.

















Okay. I will leave you all with several things running through my head:
(I miss you so much. I can't believe this happened, and my stomach hurts perpetually now because I can't talk to you.)
((You're so cute! AGHH my god.))
(((I don't know anymore. But a good "idk." If that makes any sense.)))
((((...just let me go to sleep, AP English. Let me rest.))))

G'night.
xx

Song of the Day: (THERE ARE ACTUALLY THREE TO MAKE UP! WOOHOO!)

1. I Won't Say (I'm in Love) -Hercules
2. Billie Jean - Michael Jackson
3. On Love, In Sadness - Jason Mraz

That was cute, I guess.

Last night was a rare night. I stayed at home. I haven't been feeling terrible well, and I haven't really eaten much in the past few days because of that, so I just decided to watch a movie and relax as best I could. I watched....HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE.

Okay. So. I pride myself on having seen almost all of Miyazaki's films, and out of those films, he is definitely one of my favorite filmmakers. I recently just saw PONYO, which was LITERALLY the most enjoyable/adorable film I've seen in a while, and an especially cute one of his. Also, props to Noah Cyrus and Frankie Jonas, who I kinda thought would fuck it up, but just did a good job. Nice :)

\AAAAAAAAAANYWAY. (I like writing that.) Howl's was....disappointing. Yes, it was beautiful. Yes, the voices were good. Yes, it was cute. However...it didn't really make any sense? At points I felt like Miyazaki was like, "OH I'M SO COOL AND I CAN DO THIS TO SHOW HOW BEAUTIFULLY I CAN DRAW AND I'M JUST GONNA STRING TOGETHER A BUNCH OF MYSTICAL EVENTS CAUSE I CAN REPRODUCE THEM ON SCREEN!" And I'm saying this in the kindest way, because I really do love his films. Ehh....but....it couldv'e been better.

Kind of a waste of a night, honestly. Only stayed up until 1, though, which is great! Cause I have been staying up SO late lately.

Anyway....while I was "doing" my APUSH summer work today (which I finished !! HALLELUJAH) I just started doodling and I think this explains my day....

anyway. Off to do some other stuff now. I'll be posting more often these days, cause I have more to think about. (And I need to do something about the three months that I was out of commission for.)

I just gotta go for it.

Hope everyone has a good night!

Laterrrr x

Song of the Day: Phoenix's Lament- Ministry of Magic

mmmokay?

My god it's been forever. Baddddd. Bad Shana. Ah well, the summer has been ridiculously busy, so forgive me?

I always write on this at like...3 in the morning (when there's no reason for me to be awake and there's almost no one to talk to) but recently when I've been up that late I've been either just being a YouTube whore or just sitting and thinking. So sorry about the not posting! Even though probs no one even noticed. SELF ESTEEM DOWN! AAAAAANYWAYZ. School starts on Thursday. I will be going into junior year, which of course is kind of daunting thanks to all of my friends who continuously tell me stories about how hard it is gonna be. Whatever. I'm not gonna start complaining about that...yet.

Today I'm supposed to be doing more of my summer work, and I think I actually might. There's something I also really want to do today, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to summon up the courage to see if I can get it done. Also...I kinda want to go to the deli now and get some mozzarella? I don't know why? Cos it's DELISH?! Mmhm.

It's beautiful out today. If anyone reads this and wants to take a walk, just hit me up, as my brah would like to say.

More later, darlings.

xx

H'OMG!

so I just looked back at all of my posts and discovered one very important thing.

I'M A TOOL!
D:

i should probably get on that.
or maybe not. maybe i LIKE being a tool.


Whatever. It's not like people actually read this thing anyway...
k it's time for an exciting day of...PAINTINGmaybe.

gooooodbye darlings.

and he carries a reminder

of every blow that cut him til he cried out,
in his anger and his shame
i am leaving
i am leaving
but the fighter still remains..
-The Boxer, Simon & Garfunkel

HALLO. This is my first post in aBOUTTTT a million years. That is because I have been super busy.
I...was, as my ex-roomate said perfectly, in an absolute state of euphoria for the past two weeks.
I met the most incredible people, and luckily enough, most of them live very close by. :D I was really really scared to go to BU, but it actually turned out to be incredible, in many more ways than one :) ALSO fun fact: I only took like 90 pictures but a couple of the pictures were possibly a couple of the best (or most meaningful tehe) I will ever take. Hehe.
It was such a short period of time, though. I really wished we would've had another weekend. I've been going through such huge withdrawal today that I've basically spent most of the day looking at pictures or texting people from BU.
Well anyway. I love you guys so much...and thank you. Thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou THANKYOU x 239874238 for making these past two weeks absolutely ROCK. I miss you all so much already.

I...SAW HARRY POTTER TODAY. The experience was kind of funny- it got well reviewed, but a lot of my friends didn't really like it. But of course I was gonna see it anyway...I mean, who do you think I am? Ha well. It far exceeded my expectations. Of course, I will go for anything with Daniel Radcliffe (naked or not), Alan Rickman (who is absolutely bloody brilliant) (tehe), or Jason Isaacs (who plays Lucius but had far too little screen time in HP6). But people...go see it. It was not bad at all. I absolutely loved parts of it. I do admit, some of the whole hormonal/romantic stuff was not entirely needed, but it did give Rupert Grint a little while to actually look completely dopey and adorable. The CGI was pretty spot-on as well. So. Go see it, if you already haven't! And then tell me what you think.

I...still need to see BRUNO. I know this is kinda turning into a film-based post, but I'm so obsessed with film that a huge percentage of my actual conversations in real life are based around film, so I can't really help it. Deal with it :) I KNOW, I KNOW. People came out of it being like, "Well...if you like 2 hours of gay porn, feel free!" or "Waste of 10 bucks!" or "That was completely disgusting. Oh my god." but do remember...this is Sacha Baron Cohen. The crazy-ass (literally) guy who brought us characters like Ali-G and Borat. I mean, come on, people! If you didn't expect something completely ridiculous, you really didn't need to see it. I think especially with all of the anti-gay stuff around these days, people need to be shocked. Hey...even my MOM wants to see it. AH. I know. But don't worry, if and when I see it...it will not be with her.
...God. *shiver*

It's late again. And I'm almost always posting these when it's late. I guess it's because I don't have anything better to do than to...um...share my feelings with the Internet? Weird...

Well, I think I'm gonna go read now. I was planning on trying to read The Lovely Bones again...but I don't know. I literally had to put it down the first time I tried because the combination of that and having just seen one of my friends in a play, playing a rape victim kind of scared the shit out of me. And I don't know...it's late and all...
Jeez. Whenever I get in this kinda reading mode, I inevitably have to grab something ridiculous out of my bookcase...like...TTYL or something...because I have to read before I go to sleep.

GAH. I miss everyone so much...it hurts :(
Anyway...if anyone's bored right now: go watch the "Where the Wild Things Are" trailer on Youtube. Blew my mind.

Mmk. I love you aiusdh942nfak;laohfa.
Bye. xx

Song of the Day: Boston- Augustana

!!!

dan mckenna is a whore.

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeahhhh

Today was interesting. This is gonna be long, so get yourself some popcorn and go find a comfortable chair.

TIME FOR A LIST YAYYAYAY

1. First day that I did not set an alarm to wake up. INSTEAD got woken up at nine by lawnmower people and their frickin' loud lawnmowers and shit. GRAHHH. Therefore was already pissed off by the time I got downstairs.


2. No one was home so I decided to take Comet for a walk. It was all going swell: a suprisingly good Shuffle playlist, a happy dog, and a nice day. Then I got stopped by an old lady asking directions (LIKE I WOULD KNOW WHERE ANYTHING IS...psh) and then just happened to drop my iPod on the pavement! And broke the little wifi cover thingie! Oh well...it still works. Then, I got stopped AGAIN by a driver of a HUGEEEEE truck. And THEN saw my 4th grade teacher and talked to her for awhile. Phew. FINALLLLY got home.
   
3. Decided to make some cookies. I got this fantastic book called "500 Cookies" and it's amazing. I decided to make..."Peanut Butter and Jelly Thumbprint Cookies." It was weird because they didn't require any flour and I got worried. But they turned out well, albeit a little burned. mhm.


4. He wanted to relax for a little while, so I started looking for this book that Alice and I wrote for our 8th grade English teacher. It was about a mouse (or "maus") during something very much like the Holocaust. I illustrated it, and we both wrote it while sitting on my roof. It was absolutely amazing (or so we thought ha) but neither of us could find it, and we had both literally been looking for three years. My mom got home and I asked her if I could snoop around for it...and in a box of old art projects, covered by macaroni sculptures....I FOUND IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!excessive excitement I called Alice and basically screamed over the phone and then preceded to read it like 23u4982 times and make my parents read it and jump around the house for awhile. YAY :)


5. And then....my dad and I went to.....STAR TREK. I...I cannot even put words into how much I enjoyed it. I recently watched Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (because I'm a nerd) and it actually really helped to see it before seeing the new one. I. LOVED. IT. YOU MUST GO SEE IT. I'm serious. And I'm really harsh about movies. But I'm a sucker for a great action movie, CHRIS PINE, ZACHARY QUINTO (!!!!!!), ANTON YELCHIN. So so good. My favorite line was when Spock and Kirk are leaving (MAYBE FOREVER YOU NEVER KNOW!) and Spock and that girl are kissing goodbye in front of Kirk and she goes, "I'll be monitoring your frequencies." Oh. Yes. She WILL be monitoring his frequencies ;)bahcreepyface

All in all, RIDICULOUS DAY. In a good way.

Well...you know those quizzes on Facebook that are like "HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW THIS PERSON BLAH BLAH"? I just took one of my best friend's ones and failed it miserably. And I know it's really stupid and I literally knew all of the answers, I feel like shit.

Sorry for the ridiculously long post. I hope everyone enjoyed hearing about my life, but probably not.

I love you. gggggggahdkjcuefanklsal.

Bye. xx

Song of the Day: I Am the One- Next to Normal

Original Captain Kirk, fo sho

Note to self: Enjoy it

Life is really weird. I don't think I've discovered that more than during this past year.

But seriously dudes...carpe diem. and enjoy it. and take it by the horns and ride it. ( *clears throat*...sorry)

Life is balancing quite precariously between sucky and great right now, so I'm simply just trying to impart some wisdom to other people who I know are in the same situation as I am in right now.

Whatever.

Finals end on Thursday. and then I am DONE.

...there were so many things I should have done...

Note to self: be bold. do something you might regret, but do it with force. and do it with thy might. HAAAAjk

Song of the Day: Carolina in My Mind- James Taylor ((((THANKS TO NORA FOR BASICALLY THE MOST WONDEFUL PERFORMANCE OF THIS SONG I WILL EVER HEAR EVER<3))))

Bye xx.

me, below.

I've got to get out of here

Only a couple of days til finals.
Only a couple of times I've blown my top.
Only a couple of people I've started to get annoyed by.
Only a couple of hours I've wasted on Facebook.
Only a couple of outfits I've wasted on bad days.
Only a couple of tears.
Only a couple of laughs I've had by myself.
Only a couple of friends I've grown jealous of.
Only a couple of weeks I've been too sad.
Only a couple of skirts I HAVEN'T gotten to wear because it's not frickin' spring yet.
Only a couple of nights I haven't gone to bed.
Only a couple of boys I've yearned over.
Only a couple of friends I've adored. Just kidding. A lot of friends.
Only a couple of cupcakes I've made.
Only a couple of books I've annotated to oblivion.
Only a couple of times I've discussed my shameful passion for Ben Stiller.
Only a couple of things I've said I wish I could take back.
Only a couple of times I've fallen on my face.
Only a couple of erasermarks on my sketchpad.
Only a couple of webcam pictures on my computer.
Only a couple of chocolates that have gotten me through the night.
Only a couple of times I've honestly fallen for someone.

Only a couple of times I've actually simply...breathed.

----------------

I can't tell if everything is actually finally falling apart, or actually finally coming together.
I love him. and I love you. and everything is changing and it's not stopping. I don't think it will ever stop.
And that's what I'm scared of.

Bye. xx
ps. Sorry for the ultra-emotional post today.

Song of the Day: Don't Stop Believin'- GLEE

:)

I...just had a great day...:) <3

sleep is for weaklings.

I am in such a state of panic right now. The amount of work I have this week is really really really really frightening. And the amount of time is dwindling. I don't know what to do. My stomach is churning; I'm up at 5 o'clock in the morning, checking my email to have just been informed that I get to LOSE MY FREE TOMORROW TO TAKE A FRENCH TEST THAT I HAVE NO WAY OF STUDYING FOR.

Oh my god. I am....I don't even know

If you see me today...please just give me a hug

<3

I think that my chest is honestly going to burst because of the amount of love in my heart right now.

Thank you, guys. Really.


Song of the Day: Nine People's Favorite Thing- [Title of Show]

Thunder.

I used to hate thunderstorms. Now I love them.

They're one of the things that is REALLY beautiful in nature. 

I'm sitting here, having finished (most of) my Chem work, leaning against my bed, listening to Noah and the Whale, listening to the thunder and breathing. 

Lots goin' on here, as you can see! Tehe.

WE HAVE ADVISEE BREAKFAST TOMORROW SCORE. I'm gonna go to sleep early anyway, though, cause I have to write something tomorrow morning for...*cough* Chem.

This week is so weird. I had like, 4 people come up to me today and say, "Are you okay?" 

It kind of took me by surprise, because I felt perfectly fine. However, after those people asked that...I noticed that I wasn't feeling as great as I could be. A lot of friend-drama type-teenagery shit is going on right now. But whatever. It's tech week for the One-Acts, which makes everyone a little more on edge. PS COME SEE THE ONE-ACTS AT 4-6 ON FRIDAY AND 7-9 ON SATURDAY yup.

Tomorrow, when you see me in school, do NOT ask me if I'm okay. Do anything else: say hi, hug me, kiss me on the cheek...whatever. But I'm fine. So it's not even worth asking, fools.

:) Goodnight!

xx

Song of the Day: Do What You Do- Noah and the Whale

I am a rock, I am an island.

I don't know why, but I've been listening to this song SO much today. It makes me really happy. I suppose it's because I just saw The Graduate (PS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT GO SEE IT RIGHT NOW PLEASE AND THANK YOU.) and the entire soundtrack to it is Simon & Garfunkel.


Today is a beautiful, beautiful day. The sun is FINALLY out while the weather is FINALLY warm, and it is just so good. I am so much happier in warm weather.
I woke up at like...9:20 and then went out to breakfast. I walked down town to go to the diner, and then got coffee and walked up to see the Pville Invitational Track Meet. It was great :D I got to see a bunch of people. I miss track. Well...I miss the PEOPLE from track. Not so much the 400's...and yeah.
I've spent most of the rest of the day lounging around, listening to music, and talking to a couple of my friends on the phone/on AIM. I want to figure out what to do tonight, though.
I have ALSO gotten some of my homework done!!!!!! WOOOO. Well...not all of it. But I'm sure it will get done, eventually. (lies)
Now I'm eating chips. I'm in a very chippy mood.
I think someone is having a BBQ because it suddenly got really loud across the street and it smells like chicken. Mmm.
I'm sitting in my screened-in porch, and the sun just has a bit of a glare on the computer screen.
I'm pretty content.
My brother just got home. He's too popular for his own good. Seriously. I barely see him because he's always out with his friends.
My back aches. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I have TEH WORST POSTURE OF ANYONE EVER.
I can't believe that there is only 5 more weeks of school left, including review week. I...honestly can't believe it.

So. I hope that your day was as nice, or relaxing, or fun, or whatever, as mine was/is.
Have a good night!
Bye. xx

Song of the Day: (besides I Am a Rock) Dancing With Myself- Billy Idol

In 5 Years Time.

I might not know you,
in five years time
we might not speak at all and
in five years time
we might not get along
in five years time
you might just prove me wrong.
(This song is the song of the day: check the bottom of the post.)



I AM GOING TO GO TO BED EARLY(ISH) FOR THE FIRST TIME IN WHAT FEELS LIKE DECADES. My problem is that I think too much. I need to think much less. ARGH so many things on my mind...

WHY NOT BLOG? tehe. Just kidding. This is creepy.

The best thing happened today, though. I was doing community service with a bunch of my friends: painting with a bunch of kids from a home where boys go if their family life is tough.
I went up to my friend and hugged him from the back, but then he flinched like, violently. I was like, "What?!"
And he said," Oh my god I thought you were the internet!"

BAHAHAH. teheee.

I am going delirious. That word almost looks like delicious. Mmm. Chocolate. Oh my frickin' god I need to go to bed.

If you catch me in school, tell me to write a better blog post next time. Or ACTUALLY because I KNOW YOU GUYS READ IT...request something for me to write about. Such as: I have written about Valentine's day, changing schools...etc.

That is the challenge. Your wish is my command.

Oh and also. You. I don't think you know who you are. But...you mean askjdhaksd so much to me. Woo. Now the internet knows.

Have a great night, erryone. And you. I love you.
Bye. xx

Song of the day: 5 Years Time- Noah and the Whale

Love is...

...taking a dive, then getting really comfortable and peeing in the pool
and love is real life porn minus all the stuff that makes porn cool
and love is a homeless guy searching for treasure in the middle of the rain and finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out that theyre all filled with chocolate and even though he's heartbroken he cant complain cause he was hungry in the first place.
-Bo Burnham.

First of all. Bo Burnham is a genius. I just bought his live album. *sigh* Made my life.

Anyway...so much has gone on since my last post.
Um for some reason I feel like a huge tool after writing that sentence...

I don't know anything to write. I've been so so happy ever since coming back to school, and I think it's because I get to see all of my friends :) I really didn't see many of them the second week of break because I worked at the bakery a lot and kind of just couch potato-ed around as well. I was so so sososososo happy, though, to see everyone. I was kind of sad the second week of break...after coming back from Europe. There's a few reasons why :-/

That weird truly happy/sad feeling has carried over into today, as well. A couple of things just made me very happy, but a couple of things are making me so hopeless...

I just want it all to be right.

Buuuuut. I can't complain much. My friend just told me about this girl at his school...and she literally has the WORST life I've ever heard of. I feel like an idiot after complaining to him. It's terrible. I think I just gotta GRASP onto that happy feeling and keep it here.

I'm starting One-Act plays at school. I think they will be really fun. We'll see! Some of the scenes are just fantastic. I hope I get one of my choices, but I doubt I will. There are so many good actors at school and sometimes I just feel so inexperienced. Which I guess I am...
I WILL KEEP TRYING, HOWEVER.

and in the meantime. I will go do my drama homework.
Try to keep me happy. IM me. Facebook me. Comment this.
Please?

*fake desperation*
Oh and also:
http://www.flourandsunbakery.com/
the bakery I work at. COME VISIT ME :-)

Until later,
bye. xx
Song of the Day: Accidentally in Love- Counting Crows


^^One of my favorite pieces of art. I get a picture of one everyday on my Google.

Listen close to everybody's heart.

And hear that breaking sound,
hopes and dreams are shattering apart
and crashing to the ground
-MY EYES, DR. HORRIBLE'S SING ALONG BLOG

There are so SO many things that I could write about right now...I honestly can't even choose.
...OH BOY THAT MEANS IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER LIST! HOLY COW!

1. THE VIRTUOUS BURGLAR.
Is DONE :( It was a fabulous play and the Saturday night performance (closing night, since there were only two performances) was incredible. I had SIX friends not from my school who came to see me. Everyone hugged me after. People were so happy and proud of me. Thinking about it, it still makes me happy.
I really want to be in Phoenix.

2. I am presently: wanting to sleep, watching my ADORABLE hamster chew up whatever she's chewing up, in pajamas, typing, and feeling simultaneously fantastic and terrible at the same time.

3. Teching for URINETOWN.
Despite the fact that I was told I MUST do this very late in the game...I had...so...much...fun. Seriously. I don't even know why! It just was fun. The only downside to being backstage for the performance (I couldn't go to one of them) was that I couldn't actually SEE the play. And two of my good friends were leads :( But it's okay. I still got to...hear...everything.

4. Carnet de Voyage.
This amazing book I'm reading. It's actually a travel journal of this guy. It's all sketches and little stories of his trips. So incredible.

5. FRANCE H'OMG.
I am going to France and Switzerland on Friday night. Oh.My.God. I am so excited. I feel so lucky that I can go, and one of my good friends is going too. YAY.

6. HELLO, DOLLY!
(At my old school.) I went to hang out with my bestest bud today at PHS because I didn't have that much homework. And the homework that I had I didn't end up doing. I'm sucha failure! Anyway...it is SO nervewracking being back in my old school. My stomach ended up hurting like hell, and I was afraid to go anywhere alone. I feel so ridiculous when I go there...like people have either: honestly forgotten who I am/that I was ever there, or that they actually care about me. And if it's the latter, I've probably seen them outside of school. ANYWAY. DAMN. I am going off on tangents tonight really easily. I am so fucking sad because I am missing every.single.one.of.their.performances.because.of.France. I am leaving opening night and coming back just a few mere hours after their last performance. I am so sad...if any of you are reading this...I love you so much and I feel absolutely terrible...I cannot believe that the timing is so bad. But DO expect me at another rehearsal this week :) I will be popping in and out. YAY. Lots of broken legs, people!

7. I am so completely torn between two people right now. I know that sounds so weird, and...conceited...and just nasty? But. I think...I think I might really be falling for one of them. I don't know how that is possible. And the other...I'm just drawn to them. And I shouldn't be. And I can't be. I can't explain it, at all. These two things are coinciding on levels that you wouldn't believe. I don't even begin to undestand this. But what I DO know is, I can't stop thinking about it.
PS to #7. If you ask me about this in real life, I will walk away. Hah. Well, not really. Please do not be offended, but I will not be talking about this with anyone for awhile.

8. Time to sleep.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Bye...for now, I guess.
xx

Song of the Day: Run Freedom Run - Urinetown

Cheering up.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Especially the TWIST AND SHOUT scene.

Watch it over and over, and I guarantee you will not stay in a bad mood.

Bye!
xx

Song of the Day: 1945 - Neutral Milk Hotel

ONE WEEK

Its been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side and said I'm angry.
Five days since you laughed at me
Saying get that together come back and see me
Three days since the living room
I realized its all my fault, but couldn't tell you
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
But it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry
-One Week, the Barenaked Ladies

However great that song is, it's not what this post is about. There is exactly one week until the first performance of the play I'm in. I got home from rehearsal at about...8:30 tonight. (I live about 20 minutes away from my school.) Then I watched "SPECTACULAR!" on Nickelodeon.

Forgive me, please. But the guy was very cute and the two leads actually kissed at the end. Which never happens on TV. So that made it better.

ANYWAY. PLAY. So yeah. We just moved into the actual performance space and it's like twice the size of the space we've been rehearsing in. Yesterday's rehearsal was kind of faulty, and no one was really on their game. It's mad hard trying to figure out all the blocking after moving to a bigger space.
Today was good though :-)
I think it's gonna turn out well.

This weekend includes:

1. sleeping late. FINALLY.
2. a paaaaaaarty.
3. working at the bakery all day Sunday
4. HOMEWORK. and lots of it.
5. THE OSCARS. YESYESYEYSYESY.

I'm so excited. Hugh Jackman is hosting :D
Wow HUGH is a really weird word.
I need to go to bed.
G'night.
xx

Song of the Day: All American Girl - Carrie Underwood

Thoughts on life, love, and...blogs?

Yesturrdaiiiiii was Valentine's Day. Wahoo! I worked all day at the bakery and then hung out with some of my bestest buds. Not a bad day to say the least. The ONLY bad thing is the people complaining about or talking about "Single's Awareness Day." WTF.

Repeat after me: IT IS JUST A HOLIDAY. NOO. SCRATCH THAT. IT IS JUST A DAY! That's it! The only thing that makes it different is that you can buy cards for the day and make Hallmark rich.

I'm kind of at a good point right now, relationship and socially wise. I have the best friends ever. It's insane. I don't think I should be allowed to take all the good ones, but too bad. I already did. :-)
And, I don't have a boyfriend. It's totally fine. I possibly maybe probably like someone. A lot. But just maybe. And I just got over someone. So it's actually a really good feeling.
I'm supported completely in my life. A boyfriend is someone who you can just take it a little farther with. Think about it. It's not a huge deal. BUT!If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend right now, please don't take offense. I know what it feels like. So happy Valentine's Day to you guyses. I hope you had a great day!

Yes, last year I kind of had someone to spend it with. That was really nice. But the timing just fit that way. I actually didn't even remember it was Valentine's Day yesterday until I got to work and I saw that all the cupcakes had hearts on them. So cute! ANYWAYS...um. I lost my train of thought.

I guess I just find myself a little bit lonely right now. At some times. I convince myself that I'm not, that I'm so lucky, and I guess that's true. I've got so much to live for and so many people who love me and care about me. I don't need a boyfriend!
(Tehe. What a teenager-y rant!)
Sometimes I just feel this longing for something, for someone to be beside me as I write this. For someone to understand me on a deeper level. Come on. It's possible. I'm not that complicated.

Life would be absolutely incredible right now if I didn't have to finish this English essay. I think I'm just going to relax for now, and write it really late tonight. That's when the thoughts start coming! At around 3 o'clock in the morning, when there's nothing better to do and nothing on TV. Haha.

Also, I just had a couple of friends get boyfriends right around Valentine's Day. I think that's abso-fucking-lutely adorable. Aw. So cute. Congrats, guys, if you're reading this.

ALSO
I would like to thank everyone who's come up to me, whether it's been in the halls, or on the bus, or at lunch, or even on AIM, to tell me that they've been reading my blog.
THANK YOU GUYS! It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. YOU make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
I think blogs are cool. Especially if people actually read them.


I wish you were with me.


Have a great night, everyone.
Bye. xx

Song of the Day: the entire soundtrack to Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog

PS.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

What I could/should/want to be doing right now.

1. My World History homework. Blegh. Annotations.
2. Reading my dad's book.
   
3. Eating a piece of strawberry rhubarb pie.
4. Not being on Facebook.
5. Breathing.
6. Watching my dog sleep.
7. Fixing my webcam.
8. Squealing over how cute my hamster is.
9. Thinking it's funny that my lizard is always staring at my hamster. (Ha ha don't worry, they're not in the same cage - just side by side)
10. Anything but this.

^^But I won't actually tell you WHAT I'm doing or what I wish I was doing, or what I should be doing.


Tra la laaaaa.
I'm so freaking tired. I need sleep. THANK GOD TOMORROW'S FRIDAY :D

Until next time.
Bye. xx

Song of the Day: The Call - Backstreet Boys

chalk hearts and eyeliner

A couple of days ago, I was given a candy heart during lunch at school by one of my friends. I have to tell you the truth- I really hate and love those hearts. Hate: they taste like chalk. Love: they're pretty adorable if it's Valentine's Day. Anyway...people were passing them out. I don't remember the reason, or even why they were being sold and bought in stores in the middle of January.

So. You know these "conversation hearts" as Necco calls them usually say fun stuff like, "Let's kiss!" or "True Love!" as you can see in the picture to the left. But the one I happened to have said something I've never gotten on a candy heart before.

It said "Sure Love."
ps. There's actually a heart in the picture that says that. Find it.
What does that even mean?

Here are three well-thought out possibilities.

#1) Does it mean..."Sure, love! Hey cool! You love me? What a coincidence! I love you too!"
#2) Does it mean, "Sure...love..." in a sarcastic way?
#3) Or does it mean "Sure love. I'm completely confident in this love."

You know...it's really funny. People say it's the small things that get you in life. The little things that bring you up and down. I must have had too much time on my hands, because I thought about this for a long time. Boy-wise: I've been screwed over. I've had some experiences that I'd rather not revisit, ever. They make me too sad, or too weirded out. Every time I've gotten myself into something, however, I've gone in with expectations. Not high, not low...just expectations. A blank slate, if you will. Going in with that, anything can happen. And just think about it...anything WILL happen if you want it too/let it.
But there's one thing I am COMPLETELY sure of. You can't be completely sure of love. You can't be completely confident in it. And no, I am not just being teenagery and angsty. I mean this in the truest sort of way. There's nothing in life you can be completely sure of. It's not life, and you're definitely not living it if there are some things that come out wrong. There's got to be things in life that you're not sure of. Love being the extreme of that.

So here's something I've been thinking about, as well. You are "in love." Yes. Okay. I believe you. But I also DON'T believe that if you're my age, you and your boyfriend "love each other" after one month of going out. That is not sure love. Love is developmental. Love does not take one month. At our age, it could most likely be lust. But not love. I'm happy for you, sure. You may actually even love each other. It might not take that long. If so, that's wonderful. If not...just watch out.


I was with a group of friends last night. Some close, some not as much. I'm not going to say specifics, because it's possible (not probable or plausible) but possible that one of them might read and see this. Wait. Actually...honestly...I don't care. So here goes.
Finding out about someone, after not knowing them at all, ie: never going to school with them, only hung out casually a couple times, et cetera, is a completely different way to get to know someone. It takes you back. Takes you back a few dozen steps, and you see them in a completely new light. Everything seemed so new. You can make a new impression, being whatever you want to be. Weird.

My friend used me as a canvas last night. She loves makeup, and wanted to put some on me. I don't wear a huge amount of makeup by any standards. A little eyeliner here and there. She put on...well...a lot. I did it to make her happy, ha ha. She really likes makeup, and I don't care, so why not. She looked at me when she was done and said, "It's a lot. I don't know if you'll like it. But. If you were at a rave, you'd be the girl who when the music got to a really intense moment, everyone would notice you. All the girls would stare. And hate you. And a guy would walk towards you and suddenly everything would snap back into place. Well...you look like a hooker. But in the best possible way." Ohhhkay! Thank you for that! Nah, I'm kidding. It's totally fine. Needless to say, I ended up taking off some of it and then actually really liking the way I looked. So thank you.

Wow, what a load of tangents. I don't know why I'm writing all of this. I don't know if anyone will see this. I don't know if anyone will see this and/or understand it.

I should be taking notes for English class tomorrow. Shit. Oh well...
But actually: I have the reason for all this writing.

You made an impression on me.
I can't like it.
I don't know if I DO like it.
I'm not allowed.
I am not going to do this again.
But I can't stop.
Won't stop.

Have a good week. I hope that you will feel better than I do right now.
Sure love.
Bye xx.

Song of the Day: Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley

Sleep.

I really, really, really need it.

Song of the Day: The Boxer - Simon and Garfunkel

Popcorn.

Did you know, instead of using the crappy microwave stuff, that you can just put regular kernels in a regular paper bag in the microwave? And it doesn't taste like chemicals?
Personally, I like popcorn when you make it on the stove. The ol' school way. Hell yeah.

In other, completely random news...

1. I got a hamster last night. Well, see, it WAS my brother's hamster originally, but then it started, like, beating up the other one...it was too scary.So I adopted the mean one! Even though she's not mean at all! She's really nice! Yah. So now I have a zoo, basically, in my room. Just me, a leopard gecko and a dwarf hamster. WOO!
2. I just talked to my best friend. Who I haven't seen in AGES. Because because because she's really busy and we live in different towns. I love her too much for words.
   
3. I'm about to go to my grandparent's house. Fo' PIZZA! We've had that tradition since fo'ever.
4. My socks, which are neon blue, have holes in them. My toes are cold.
5. My back hurts. Hmm. I wonder why. Maybe because I'm sitting in an inhuman like position.
6. The song "Lucky" by Britney Spears is running through my head. Oooookay....
7. I watched the movie "Monsoon Wedding" today and it was fantastic.
   

Yeah. Today was really strange. But I am strange as well. So I suppose it was a perfect fit.
Have an awesome night. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
...actually, do whatever you want.

Bye. xx

Song of the Day: The Bitch of Living - Spring Awakening

Hats Off to Day's Off.

I had off from school today. Why?-I was asked. Who knows. I guess it was to signify the end of the first semester.
Wow. The end of the first semester. I honestly can't believe it. I started my new school this year after a shaky last year-I was doing well academically, but my parents [and myself, by the end of the year] didn't think that the teaching was up to par. Cue the huge change in Shana's life. It's weird, and going to sound cliche, but I actually found out how honest and true people are. I lost a lot of people I used to care about by making the change, but now I find that I've found more than I could have hoped for.

Best decision of my life.

I've decided to start this blog as a new part of my life gets underway. Now since I know what I'm facing at my school, I am feeling better and better about being myself. I even started playing piano again, after...how many years? Close to five, I think. I found it's actually a great stress reliever to just sit down at the piano and play, and I feel the minutes rushing by. Compared to alto sax and clarinet, it takes considerately less strength. So. Yeah.

Here's to turning over a new page. I hope you had a good day, even if you were at school :).
Bye. xx

-----
Song of the Day: Come On Get Higher - Matt Nathanson