love

I'm feeling kind of foolish looking back on my old posts tonight so I just thought I'd keep it simple. This will be (one of) my only posts this entire break, but I will keep adding onto it whenever it seems fitting. I don't really care if anyone reads it but it's almost just for me to catalogue certain things so that I don't forget them.

Enjoy, or don't.

A list of things that I love, written by Shana

1. my family, especially when everyone is in a good mood
2. skype, most of the time
3. my brother, especially, because we get along almost unbelievably well usually
4. friendship letters, which are like love letters except from platonic friends
5. '127 hours', a movie that went from unseen to in my top 10 in an hour and 30 minutes
6. johnny depp, the only celebrity i will buy a random magazine for just because he's on the cover
7. keytars.
8. dark chocolate peanut butter cups, delicious
9. 'lost in translation', a movie that made me feel unlike any other movie has except for 'where the wild things are'
10. youtube, because i can't even explain how many hours i spent on it watching people i want to meet one day and who inspire me and make me laugh day in and day out
11. brett erlich, because he's the single funniest person i've ever found (and will ever find) on the internet
12. tattoos, because they can mean SO MUCH and i'm so excited to get them
13. senior speeches, because of the ones my friends have already made which have made me realize how short my time at masters is
14. heating, because the furnace downstairs just broke although my room feels like an oven mmmm
15. tea, because it keeps me awake during the week
16. being played guitar/sang to over skype when i'm feeling down because for some reason it's the best thing ever
17. the repeal of DADT, because we're one step closer to an equality-based society, finally
18. my dog, because he's always so sweet and so sososos cute
19. fawning over celebrities, because i spend soooo much time doing this and it never gets tiring
20. beatles rock band, especially with my family
21. jake and amir, just because i can never get over them, NEVER
22. the fact that someone (who i know but shall rename nameless) shouted out 'i love you shana' before i started playing for candlelight concert on friday
23. the fact that someone else seconded that with 'i love her more'
24. the fact that justin beiber is illiterate and doesn't know what germany is
25. flu shots, because they let me experience the feeling of having the flu for ONE measly day and then snatch the sickness right away from me
26. my new piercing because it reminds me that my parents trust me
27. photobooth
28. singing badly and having people accept me for it!
29. daniel radcliffe, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh faint
30. my cousin Morgan who has been through so much at the age of 13 than i have while being 17
31. internet harry potter memes, heheh
32. the feeling of lying in bed after a really long day and knowing that you might dream (i know that sounds corny but the prospect of that for some reason is always comforting to me)

(Part I-- December 20, 2010-- 1:09 AM)

1. next to normal, because OH MY GOD
2. staying up until 4
3. james franco
4. facetimeeeeeeeee WOO
5. going to the mall 2 days before christmas
6. rainbow studded belts
7. fake glasses (NO, not the hipster ones...)
8. FROYO especially chocolate with pomegranate seeds...ahhh
9. brokeback mountain because i cried soooooo much WOO
10. getting into a college :D
11. friends. on christmas.

Song of the Day: Final Countdown- Europe, Superboy and the Invisible Girl- Next to Normal

Oh my god

Everything changes so quickly. So many emotions, so little time, so little sleep.

Jesus Christ.

A real post soon...I promise. Break is so close I can taste it. Yum.

<3

Song of the Day: Don't Let Us Get Sick- Warren Zevon BUT COVERED BY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE BENNETT KNOX

Ain't Got No Mind (Lost It)

My life lately has been ridiculous:
[ri-dik-yuh-luhs] –adjective
causing or worthy of ridicule or derision; absurd; preposterous; laughable: a ridiculous plan.
Synonyms: nonsensical, ludicrous, funny, droll, comical, farcical. See absurd.

Haaaaaaa. I even use the word absurd SO often now.
I can't string my thoughts together correctly right now because of lack of sleep, lots of homework, someone, my friends' problems, and the fact that I find out if I get into Wesleyan tomorrow. Okay. Let's go through each of those things and let's try our BEST not to laugh uncontrollably at Shana while she writes terribly (and probably boring-ly) about her life. LET'S GO!

1) Lack of Sleep. Recently, despite not having a terrible amount of homework, I've been staying up later than ever. It may be because I'm just nervous about a lot of things right now, but I also feel different this year than I did last year. It's started to hit me that I won't be seeing my friends after SHITWHATTHEFUCK 6 months minus one day. June 11th is graduation. Jeez. Anyway, Skype has been calling my name night after night and I just can't seem to get off of it. It's not even that I'm not getting my work done, it's just that I'm doing it waaaaaaaaay later. Like at 2 instead of 10. Mmm. Healthy. Now I just constantly feel in limbo. AND NO I WAS NOT MAKING AN INCEPTION REFERENCE YOU STUPID PEOPLE WHO LIKED THAT MOVIE. (Oh, what? Did I just insult ALL of you? I apologize. Please keep reading anyway. Ha) I kinda feel like I'm floating through life, but it's not that I'm not noticing or participating in things, it just feels more easy-going in a way, which is a feeling I canNOT reconcile with all of the stress right now.

2) Lots of Homework. Two sentence: I ALWAYS POST ON THIS BLOG WHEN I HAVE A LOT OF HOMEWORK I SHOULD BE DOING. It will get done right after this. :D Maaaaaybe

3) Someone. Augh. I hate feeling like a teenager so much. I really do. I just wish I was in control of some things that I'm not and I wish that I hadn't gotten myself into this position. It's making me kind of depressed. And I know that NO ONE knows who this is about and why and stuff but that's totally fine with me, I just wanted to write some completely incoherent sentences about it. I'm just really lonely (AWWWWWW, TEENAGE ANGST WOOOOO) and this is kind of hard.

4) My Friends' Problems. They're killing me. The problems, not my friends. I have this issue that I need my friends to be happy, and when they aren't, even though I'm not involved fully or necessarily important to the issue, it hurts me so much. I don't even care about my own problems when my friends have issues. All I want to do is see them smile. Also, there's an upside to caring so much: when good things start happening, they make me so joyous. Ex. When Dylan got into Northwestern, I started crying.
AND I KNOW I KNOW I NEVER MENTION NAMES, but...that's just a jab at him. YEAH, DYLAN, SEE WHAT I DO FOR YOU!? ...Wanna be roomies?

5) The Fact. Okay. I applied ED to Wesleyan University. Both of my parents went there, but I'm not just interested in it because of that. In fact, I HATE the fact that they both went there because whenever I'm unsure about getting in or not, people always say, "Ohhhh, you're a legacy, don't worry." AND THAT PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF. If I want to succeed and get into a school, I want to get in BY MYSELF. WITH THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT ME. NOT THEM.
I mean, of course I'm glad they went and met, because if they didn't, I wouldn't exist...but moving on. The thing about this is that I'm not sure I should've applied ED. I know everyone has second guesses and stuff, but I do love other colleges too. So, I'm not gonna be too broken up if I didn't get in, and I'll find out 24 hours and 40 minutes from now. What the fuckity fuck. I mean, it'll be wonderful to get in. WONDERFUL. but...

What I've learned most about myself recently is that I'm extremely realistic. I don't even know how to explain why or how, but that's just it.

By the way the title of this blogpost is from a song from HAIR, the soundtrack which I am listening to now in full because I know every note, every lyric, every key change, and every scream or woop in every song. Somehow, that feels so reassuring, even when almost nothing else does.

Be peaceful, please.
Love,
Shana x

Song of the Day: Easy to be Hard- HAIR (I normally don't even love this song. So weird.)