Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Wah.


So today was interesting. It started off with my fracturing one of the closest friendships I've had very quickly. (great start.) I now don't even know if she wants to talk to me ever again and I don't know what I did. Then I had a college counselling meeting. The meeting itself was great (I now know that I can get into college and that significantly improved my self esteem...just in time for it to get knocked to the ground again) and after I got home I had a really nice lunch with my mom. And then one of my closest friends (I mean...I thought so) told me that she didn't think that we were friends anymore. And I kind of just broke. And now I have to put on a happy face because my sister and brother (from another mother) are coming over and this is the last time I'll see her before she goes to college, and I want to be happy and everything but I can't be. I just fucking can't be. I feel like I might be developing the ability to have panic attacks, because I can't believe I'm feeling like this during the summer. I feel all of my responsibilities rushing up onto me and I don't know if I can handle any of them. At all. I feel as if I've already forgotten how to treat people and things.

I will not let this ruin my summer. I can't let it. I had an amazing, memorable, incredible summer and I don't want it to end with this. I don't know how to prevent it, though. I really, really don't.


Tonight is the last night I'll see Rachel before she goes to college. She is my older sister and has been for my entire life. I can't believe it. I love her more than anything and I can't believe I'll be in this mood while seeing her. I have to go walk my dog now, though, so maybe Comet and some Green Day will cheer me up!


Also, Kendal is leaving soon. My heart is falling apart.

Goddamn.


Also I'm staying up until I'm done with my heart hand grenade painting tonight. I have to. It's so therapeutic to paint.


Peace,

(please.)

Shana xx


Song of the Day: Boulevard of Broken Dreams- If you don't know who this is by, I will punch you.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Blog post about Seascape.

Hi guys. I know I've been gone for forever and I'm in a bad mood right now so I don't want to write any more, but here is a blog post that I did for the kayaking company I interned for during this summer. I'll definitely be writing more about the other parts, but you'll just have to wait for that! :) Enjoy. (Parts are ommitted because it also went on the Seascape blog.)


For a week in July, I interned for Seascape on Deer Island in the Bay of Fundy. How did I get this chance? Well- I’m glad you asked! It certainly requires a bit of explanation and I will try my best to answer. My mother actually went on a Seascape trip to Costa Rica with Bruce last year. Then I ended up with this internship. Done! Doesn’t seem like a full enough explanation? Well, the truth is that I have to confess I don’t know exactly the intermediary steps between these two events. However, I DO know that they were orchestrated by a few AMAZING people and added up to this amazing opportunity. And I’m so glad they did.
The island that Seascape is located on is a twenty minute ferry ride from mainland New Brunswick, which makes it right in the middle of the Bay of Fundy. I love the Bay of Fundy. Although I live over 500 miles and a ferry ride away, I actually used to go to a camp (The Whale Camp) on Grand Manan Island, which is larger and slightly farther away from the mainland than Deer Island. I went to this camp for two years, and I have to tell you, I absolutely fell in love with this part of the world. Never heard of it? Hopefully, by the end of this post, I’ll have made you want to come check it out. Anyway, you can imagine that when I was given the chance (somehow) to come back here, I (figuratively…but MAYBE physically) jumped for joy and immediately accepted.
This specific body of water is a special place for me. In my mind, it really can do almost no wrong. I don’t mind the fog. Or the cold. Or the wind. All I honestly care about is just being here and realizing that I am in a truly amazing place. This “sense of place” I am able to achieve only in the Bay happened to work completely in tandem (ha ha…kayak joke…oh god.) with Bruce’s, and Seascape’s in general, mission. I was blown away by how much this mindset of being in the moment and APPRECIATING that moment can do to enlightening people’s minds to how they’re living and where they are. And I know; this may sounds too flowery but I can’t stress it enough: this water is magical. It is teeming with life and information and to see people’s eyes and minds light up while on a paddle is absolutely incredible and almost indescribable. That simple is reason that I can’t wait to bring my family up here in the future. Simply observing how glassy the water is on a calm day or seeing a harbor seal pop up right beside your kayak almost forces your mind to take a step back and appreciate what it is taking in. Even picking up garbage can be an experience here.
What? Picking up GARBAGE? Ew! Gross! Well, yes. Picking up garbage can be gross and I really cannot deny that. I also cannot deny that like many other bodies of water, the Bay of Fundy faces the trash issue. When people feel the need to drive their boats out into the Bay, drink beer, and then throw that empty can into the water, it doesn’t end there. Animals can choke on the trash or get tangled up in it, chemicals poisonous to the water can seep into the sand or infect krill and the effects never stop. And some of us, the humans who would never think of doing that, tend to find the remains of that trash. Why does this STILL happen? I honestly don’t know. I don’t particularly understand why or how people feel that that is okay to do, but wondering about it or thinking bad thoughts about them certainly doesn’t help the issue. At my school (I’m going to be in 12th grade), I’m one of the new presidents of the environmental club, so it would seem in my natural mindset to want to work on this issue.
During my first paddle of the week, Bruce noticed my interest in picking up the empty water bottles and pieces of containers on the water and thereby declared that I would be the “Garbage Queen” by the end of the week. And you know what? I think he may have been right. About halfway through the week, during a paddle, our small group came upon a HUGE piece of Styrofoam floating along. And when I say huge, I mean close to mini iceberg size. And it was HEAVY. If you still don’t believe me: here’s a picture of the two people we went out with as well as myself and our friend the giant piece of Styrofoam. Bruce and I managed to balance it on the center of our tandem kayak and save one unfortunate (sorry Bruce! J ) incident, we got it back without issue.

Now I’m back in New York. I wrote this original blog entry on my last day at Seascape, so at this point in the writing I was getting ready to head over to St. Andrews on the mainland for a week of interning for a whale watching company, Quoddy Link Marine. Now, though, because I’m back in New York, I can think about my experience at Seascape with a grander perspective and I can say without a doubt that my week at Seascape was wonderful. I really got to see how much hard work is put into this business and how much Bruce (and Frank and Katinka and the rest of the guides J) really care about the people and this bay.
If you have gotten to this point in the blog post without falling asleep or losing concentration, thank you. And if you haven’t or you’re about to fall asleep, listen to me for ONE more second and please take this one last thing into consideration.
This place is important. This water is special and if you don’t visit it, it just might be ruined soon. It might be destroyed by us, humans; by all of that trash and uncaring people I just mentioned. Don’t waste your time. Just don’t. Don’t make any excuses. Just visit. Who knows? Maybe, hopefully, I just might be back here when you do.

Thanks, Seascape. Really.
Peace, love and whales,
Shana.


Song of the Day: Not Afraid- Eminem